Menschkin missing the point. Filmed*simulated*rape not
illegal, but when it's portrayed as anything less than ABHORRENT,then it's rape
porn>
<and indistinguishable when actual rape is filmed for
entertainment. It carries the suggestion that rape is within normal sexual
mores.>
<and this, along with the general rapey direction
porn is taking, debases erotica and warps sexuality.
And if that's not frightening to you, you're not
*liberated*, you're a rapist by proxy.
(Tweets re-posted with kind permission from
@ThunderAtSea)
These series of tweets gave me pause for thought because
I enjoy reading & watching porn that involves ‘rape’, forced sex. I know many who also enjoy this. To me, this particular fantasy *is* within
the ‘normal sexual more’ of how I define my sexuality. I do not agree with the statement that I am a
rapist by proxy, and neither are my friends.
But, I *am* uncomfortable with the objectification of women in society,
and the pornification of our culture; I believe the way women are objectified
is a contributing factor to so many men seeming to not quite ‘understand’ what
is rape, and what is consensual.
@CratesNRibbons wrote a piece for HuffPostUK today, which says this much
better than I can. I agree with
everything she says. Is, therefore, my
desire to watch/read this kind of porn contributing to what I characterise as
rape culture?
Many of you will have come across me through my blogs
about my experience of rape, being a rape survivor and a sufferer of PTSD. You may be reading this and think I’m an
oxymoron; a rape survivor who ‘gets off’ on rape fantasy. (Some of you may be reading this and think
that I therefore ‘wanted’ or ‘deserved’ what happened. Not true.
And I will try to explain the difference later). Many others of you will have come across me
through the kink scene. Some of you may
have come across me as a feminist. And
some of you are spambots.
I was raped 5 years ago.
I have been on the kink ‘scene’ for about 6, but I’ve always had kink
running through my veins. I am a
feminist, in the sense that I see no conflict with my agency to choose my kink
(and sometimes submission) and my agency to choose the other things in my life;
how I choose to make my living, who I choose to love, what I spend my money on,
what I wear, what ‘hairstyle I choose to have (both ends) ;-)
I was raped on 10th April 2008. Less than a month later I was at the CJIB
Demo on 8th May, protesting against what was to become known as the ‘Extreme
Porn Act’. On that day, a few of us were
sitting outside Coffee, Cake & Kink and came up with the name of the
Consenting Adult Action Network which is committed to protecting the right of
all consenting adults to do what they wish with each other – and to have &
to view pictures of ‘extreme porn’ which involves consenting adults. I do not believe that people who watch porn
will become rapists or murderers. I do
believe some people who want to be, or are, rapists or murderers will seek out
that type of porn, but I do not believe in the causality aspect. I may be wrong. I am not an expert in this.
I don’t believe we should censor our fantasies. We simply cannot. Ever since I can remember masturbating,
before I even knew what masturbating was, I have fantasised about kink. And, being forced by a stranger in a dark
alley (actually, it was usually the local park) was a common fantasy. When I came across the kink scene later in my
adult life (the internet wasn’t around in my formative years) I was relieved to
find out that I wasn’t the only one, that I wasn’t a strange fucked up deviant,
but ‘normal’ (at least by the standards of kink. I recognise that if you’re anti-kink, you’ll
still think I’m a fucked up deviant). There
is a very common myth, which is part of the rape culture which permeates our
society, that women do want to be raped.
And, it is a common female fantasy (see this Wikipedia entry http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Rape_fantasy). But, rape is not the same as the fantasy.
When I was raped, I felt that I no longer had agency to
enjoy those fantasies anymore. It was
one of the things he took from me. On
the boards of Informed Consent (now, sadly, no more), I was vocal in my
opposition to ‘rape play’, a term used to describe a scene in which one
participant consensually cedes the
right to consent to what happens, otherwise known as ‘consensual non-consent.’ I objected in most part to the term ‘play’
juxtaposed with the act of rape. To me,
rape was horrific, it had lost me my job, many friends, my family relationships
(now mending), and most of all, my sanity.
How could people be seeming to enjoy
this, how could they call it play?
I now practice consensual non-consent (CNC). The very special friend who I have enjoyed
(yes, enjoyed) that with has given me back my fantasies; it’s probably the
biggest, most significant gift anyone has ever given me. In some ways, it’s been therapeutic (but I’m
not saying I recommend it for rape survivors, that’s just a very personal
observation). The difference between CNC
and actual rape, to me, is the mutual respect.
The hugs afterwards. The knowing
that what we’re doing (what he’s doing) is for our mutual pleasure. But,
during, it is not something I want. It is non-consent, but it isn’t rape,
because it is consensual. (I expect many of you will be thinking, oh,
that makes him a rapist. I know he is
not. When we talk (and we do talk about
this), he is mortified by the idea that he could be. He never could be, he never would, unless he was
absolutely sure, beyond all doubt, that it was something
I wanted, craved, needed, desired). Now,
I understand why it is often termed ‘rape play.’ It is as akin to actual rape as children
playing doctors & nurses is as akin to being an actual surgeon.
So, today, Louise Mensch has done what she seems so good
at doing, and created controversy. She
has written this article which defends her position (and I’m in the
uncomfortable position of pretty much agreeing with her) that to ban all images
of rape goes too far.
She says, ‘campaigners against rape – which I hope we all
are – MUST be aware of free speech and where the line of incitement is truly
drawn.’ I agree. She also writes this:
‘Pornography of
rape that is clearly dramatized, and consensually made and shot, and does not
involve imagery of children or incest, is not necessarily an incitement to
actual rape. This campaign would criminalise all those indulging in consensual
BDSM pornography. …. Rape fantasy is
an incredibly common female fantasy. It is VITAL that we distinguish this
fantasy from rape apology, rape excuse, or anything to do with real rape. … In
these fantasies the rapist looks like Khal Drogo from Game of Thrones and the
woman finds it an enjoyable experience – it could not be more different from supporting or wishing for an actual rape in real
life. Women are not stupid, and they can draw a perfectly clear distinction
between fantasy and reality. …. It is important that in protecting women and
children we are quite clear about what actual rape is and what incitement to
hurt children is. Legislation to criminalise a community of fetishists is not
right. … filmed, and consensually dramatised rape scenes …– the government
should NOT ban it, … It is illiberal and wrong and tramples on sexual rights.’ [some text removed*]
Does ‘rape porn’ contribute to rape culture? Does it de-value women? Does it normalise violence against
women? If rape is eroticised, whither
our sexuality in general? (paraphrasing @ThunderAtSea). I do
not know the answers to these questions.
I only know that *I* have been eroticising the act of rape since an
early age. But I did not enjoy rape, on
any level whatsoever; it is not erotic in reality. The fantasy, however, can be eroticised, and
it is for many.
So, should our rights to access the visual (or written)
depictions of our fantasies be curtailed even when the people in those videos
are consenting adults? Does the ‘greater
good’ of destroying the evidence of rape culture mean that we should ban this
kind of porn? (I want to make clear that
anything that records *actual* rape is abhorrent. What was done at Steubenville was
abhorrent. That is not porn. That is criminality. Porn, to me, involves consenting adults only). I do
not believe we should restrict our freedoms to enjoy the visual depiction of
our innermost fantasies. The mind can be
a dark place (just read any de Sade – although I should admit I actually haven’t,
beyond a few paragraphs that others have quoted sometimes). The vast majority who view, and enjoy, this
kind of porn I know think that rape is abhorrent. We enjoy ‘edge play.’ We enjoy that it is wrong, dangerous,
psychological. But we enjoy those things
in full knowledge of the consent.
Personally, I prefer the porn where you have the girl (or boy) videoed
at the beginning telling you, the viewer, that they consent, that they’re
looking forward to it, and that afterwards you also see their perspective of
what happened, how much they enjoyed it (kink.com is very good for this). When I’m reading porn, I like the warning
upfront as to whether it will depict acts of non-consent (rape), or CNC. I don’t always want to stumble upon something
that might trigger me. If I’m searching
for it, I want to be reassured it’s consensual.
Then, when I’m watching, I can get hot watching what looks like it isn’t,
but knowing, somewhere at the back of my turned-on mind, that it’s ok
really. If there is going to be
legislation dictating how we view our porn (and I don’t think there should be;
adults are adults), then the only thing I could get behind was the before/after
shots to know it had the ‘consent’ tick, and the warning of what was to come.
[@ThunderAtSea made what I think is a very valid point in
our Twitter exchange this evening – when the actors in the porn are coerced
into it through the need for money. I
agree. I believe that for some women
(and men) sex work (of any kind) should be their right to choose. It is when people don’t really have full
agency (or none) to choose that I am very uncomfortable and would not support
this. @ThunderAtSea has also asked me to make clear that she also does not believe in a causal link between porn & rape. Also that she agrees with the difference between CNC and actual rape. If I've implied otherwise up to this point, I apologise profusely].
To recap.
Rape is horrific, abhorrent. Rape is not fun, it is not enjoyable. I am a rape survivor and it is not something
I would wish on my worst enemy.
The objectification of women in our culture, and the
pornification of women, is wrong, needs to be fought & challenged wherever
& whenever we see it, and contributes to rape culture.
But, we can’t censor our fantasies – and should have
access to visual and written depictions of those fantasies, where those
depictions involve consenting adults.
Because there is not a link of causality between porn and
rape – although I admit there may be causality in the objectification of women,
and hence to rape culture. And that is
still the bit I’m not sure about, even after writing this….
I would like to thank @ThunderAtSea for permission to
re-print some of our Twitter exchange this evening, and for the simple fact of
engaging with me in debate on this subject.
I would also like to thank @CratesNRibbons for allowing me to link to
her blog.
(* I removed from the Louise Mensch piece, amongst
others, the excerpts relating to the Simon Walsh ‘extreme porn’ trial on which
he was acquitted. I have had the honour
to meet Simon. A nicer man you could not
meet. If this campaign, about Louise
Mensch writes, were to succeed it would mean that many others (and perhaps
myself?) I am privileged to know could find themselves in a similar scenario).
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